The Jewelry Box - short story

A surprisingly longer piece, most of what I write is short.


A jewelry box, signifying the all the things I have left of him. He's dead now. I can finally say it.  Dead, deceased, passed on, not here.  Just... Why?  As I look through the presents over the years, I stumble upon one small, unopened package. A going-away gift.  Will I ever find the strength to open this?  So far I have not. I only thought I got over it, him. But how do you get over the closest person in your life?  My old life. 
I loved him unconditionally. But I have recently found out there always was one condition. All he ever had to do was be there. He couldn't even accomplish that. 
He left of his own accord. Why? He never had to do this. He could've gotten help, or at least talked to me. No, he kept up a facade in front of his dearest loved one.  Did he realize the consequences, the toll this would take on me?  Obviously not, otherwise he would never have committed such a selfish act. I'm finally over the anguish, denial, guilt. Now it's only anger and sadness. He was only authority figure I looked up to, my role-model, it was a terrible let-down.  Mother, father, family?  Where was this for me?  I'm alone in life, waiting until the next one will come along. Will they stay?  I can only hope that someone has the key to my locked heart, soul, mind. A friend, partner, family member, anyone.
I think about the people in my life right now. My laughing, joyous peers, and worried, open relatives. My stern, aloof teachers, indifferent and bored cashiers. The kids at the park, mall, everywhere I go. In such a small town, where do I escape?  I'm drowning in unwelcome company, people thinking they're special, trying to worm their way into my locked up feelings. Hostility is my only friend now, just a cloak for my sadness and anger.
Anger. How I feel towards everyone. How dare they say "I understand"?!  They don't know me. No one does. I'm alone in my efforts of redemption. To whom do I have to redeem myself to? ... My father. I cannot leave him. How could I?  Pressure wells up behind my eyes when I think of my love for him. He's still with me. He haunts me, day and night. I'm not able to get over this. I don't want the strength to, only to open the gift. His last one.  My memory slides back to happier times, the first time I got a piece of jewelry from him. December 25th, around 8 p.m.  I was getting ready to retire for the day, exhausted from the joyous celebration of Christmas. As I settled into bed, my tiny, pink lips formed a big O as I yawned. He came into my room, and sat on the edge of my bed as he always did and continued to do until the end of his days. He asked me, "What's behind Kitty-Kat's ears?". I, of course, had no idea in my sleepy stupor. I gave him a lazy grin, and waited for the surprise I knew was coming. He gently reached behind my ear, and when I saw his hand again an intricate yet sturdy bracelet adorned with purple stones lay in his palm. I smile at this memory, but quickly catch myself. The first rule I made after Father died: No emotion. 
I now stand in the middle of my whitewashed room. Immaculate.  The only spot of color is the messily-wrapped gift in front of me restlessly waiting on top of the antiquarian box. I keep it here, next to me, just in case. Then I finally rest. My case, feelings. Little did I know the pressure behind my eyes had reached an all-time high.
I cried. I cried like I never have before. I cried about everything. My hostility, inability to love, to lose, to take, to have, my anger, sadness, sorrow, depression, sanity, mind. I cried for my lost feeling, myself. Where was I?!  I couldn't get a grip back onto my crispness, voidness.  I cried for "friends,"  longing. I gave a huge sob, and then thought about my real trouble. He was there, bringing my worst memories, feelings, fears into view. And then I just let the tears fall, each one giving my cheek a departing kiss as they left my face. I crouched in the corner, sliding down just as he had slid that bracelet onto my wrist.  My head hung down, the tears barely touching me. They kept on coming, and violent sobs shook my body. Alone.  I sat there with in isolation, hostility leaving me for a few blissful moments.  Was isolation my new companion?  Or did I have the strength to control my destiny?  Destiny. What was I waiting for?  To leave, to be with my father once more?  ... I don't think I will be ready for that. I don't have to wait for destiny, for fate to take hold of me once more.  Alone, yes, but foolish, wasteful, and quitting no more. No matter who accompanies me in this life, I refuse to be like him. And I never will be.  

I'm open to any and all forms of constructive criticism.


Oh, and thanks for the tip about "isolation" by the way ;D

signifying the all the things I have left of him

first "the" doesn't fit

Dead, deceased, passed on, not here

they are all changes in the mood, hard "dead" to more passive "passed on", but then "not here" is less of making it softer; it's giving up. see the punctuation i did just now? The semi-colon seems a better separator right there to help distance "not here" further.
thus:
"Dead, deceased, passed on; not here."

I only thought I got over it, him.

Again a semi-colon would be more fitting rather than a comma here. along with it being a break, and thus a bit harmful in a grammatical sense.

a few other places where a semi-colon would be better for emphasis and such, but if I keep noting every last one, this post is going to be really long

but most notably, in the first paragraph, put a semi-colon between "family member" and "anyone"; it's giving up again.

again between "mall" and "everywhere i go"

actually... just read through for places where the wording hints at giving up and see where a colon fits.

other than that, good work.

and DO NOT change "Alone, yes, but foolish, wasteful, and quitting no more."

with the "and", it breaks the former patterns of just listing and then having wording relating to giving up, showing a change

0_0
glad to see someone takes constructive criticism seriously~
thank you, because I was kind of hesitant on what punctuation was needed in many places.
obviously my guess was wrong ;D
I shall make a mental note of this to use as reference for other writings.
Now I know what he meant when he said look out for Sara... ;D

I'm going to start tearing up any minute now...and lol, yes, that's Sara for you. Le sigh, smart people
I really liked this piece, it's actually not as long as I was expecting it to be, lol. I like the use of a jewelry box, and how the pieces in it all signify a important event in her life. It's beautiful. The punctuation wasn't bad at all, and this is really good on an emotional level. Yup, I'm crying a little. D: 9.5/10

aw wow yeah most of my works tend to be a bit sad '0_0
and I need all te constructive criticism I can get, so many nice people these days!
Not that I don't like all the nice people lol XD
Yeah, I liked this piece after I was done fixing the mistakes and all, I think it turned out pretty well^^
thanks for the comment and the 9.5!!! ~ <3
Sometimes I think no one ever goes into the creative writing place we have here~

My works tend to be sad as well! Well...I guess it's more bittersweet than sad.
I don't know how to give constructive criticism! Darn it...Err...grammar? Nah, it's all good to me (you're at a much higher level in writing than I am).
Everyone likes nice people! Or so I wish to believe!
You're welcome, the 9.5 is well earned.
And yeah, maybe it's because some people are reserved? I don't know. I lurk here often-ish. Maybe once every month or so, lol.

Psh, you're probably much older than I am, no way could I be at a higher level no matter what practice or independent study I have^^
also, as long as a writing isn't all the way happy and bubbly,I have a chance at liking it~
No totally happily-ever-afters for me.
Such as, in Cinderella, when she gets married to the prince, how could it be a happily ever after? I mean, they're married! I'm talking about the Disney remake at least, I forget whether the original ended like that...

No, I'm probably not much older, lol. And I'm the epitome of immature! *chases after puppy*
I don't like happily-ever-afters, unless they're realistic, and the consequence of a main character maturing.
AHHH Cinderella? Git'er away!
The original was like that, but more violent. With birds pecking eyes out and stepsisters cutting toes off. Yikes.